My oh my, where did the last 9 weeks go and how did Harper already get through her first set of shots at her two month appointment. I don’t think I understood the term “time flies” until I became a mom.
Throughout my maternity leave, little moments would happen and I would think, I need to remember to blog about this so we can reminisce someday about how we thought we knew what we were doing. Sorry sweet girl, but you are mom and dad’s experiment and we won’t know how we did until you’re old enough to thank us someday. (I’d like to believe that’ll be the case…maybe?)
Without sounding like the annoying mom that talks in sequels of cliche sentences, it really seems like yesterday that Kirn and I were driving up to the hospital to meet our new addition. It’s almost laughable how clueless we were to how much our lives were about to change. Even when we were still in the hospital the few days after we had Harper, our new lifestyle had not truly began. We were just drinking from a fire hose.
“Change her diaper this way.” There’s a wrong way to change a diaper?
“Bath time looks like this” Wait, the water can be how hot?!
“Here are the ways she can sleep.” One way.. no other options…
“Breastfeeding is natural” I’ll just let all you Mamma’s out there laugh now..
“And oh ya, enjoy your little one”
I’ll never forget on our way home, Kirn turned to me with concern and asked how those nurses can let parents just leave with their babies because I’m sure after our three days at the hospital we had perfected our deer in the headlights stare.
And for those of you that are married to the new dad that is also a farmer you will understand this next scenario all too well.
Once we arrived home, Kirn unpacked the car for me, settled Harper and I into the living room with my glass of water and Friends re-runs. But after a kiss to both our foreheads he was off to the farm. You see, it was March 10 and to some that means Spring Break but to us that means being knee deep in mud and new calves. In the months leading up to our due date, I knew Kirn would be at the farm quite a bit after we had Harper- no different than any other spring. But that didn’t stop me from crying every time he left the house. Which, now looking back, makes me grin a little…postpartum hormones are seriously the weirdest. I’m sure Kirn was wondering what in the world he signed up for.
Thank the Lord for my patient mother, FaceTimes with my sister and supportive friends who got me through those first couple of weeks.
So each day came and went, one feeding at a time, one dirty diaper at a time. And there is no book, article or mommy blog that can truly tell you any rhyme or reason behind what your little human is doing or thinking. And it will probably be no surprise that I am the mom who wished her pediatrician would just move in next door. I mean in those first few weeks it really felt as if it were sink or swim. While you’re in the hospital, the nurses are checking on you every few hours, then after you leave they have you visit at one week, then again at two weeks. So I was able to address my silly questions pretty frequently.
But then you don’t go again until .. wait what?! I have to wait until she’s two months old to see the doctor again. And I’ll be the first to admit, as new parents, I wish the internet just didn’t exist. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. My google searches included but were not limited to….
What is the difference between breast milk poop and diarrhea?
How do I know if my newborn is too cold or hot at night?
Should I be filing or clipping her fingernails?
Why are her breathing patterns so irregular?
My biggest concern hit by week five. Why? Oh because she was spitting up. But to me, it seemed like astronomical amounts, sometimes it felt like she spit up everything she had just ate. But I’m sure you can imagine the sweet Physicians Assistant’s face as I was expressing my concern to her in an appointment I scheduled at 6 weeks. All the while holding Harper who had gained 1.5 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Soooo maybe I hit the panic a little prematurely… we left there with the diagnosis of a “happy spitter”.
That would be the first time I’ve ever overreacted…
Maybe other mammas can vouch for me when I say that my biggest feeling when I came home was being SO overwhelmed. And not just because we have this new baby to get to know and care for but because everything she feels from now until forever, I will feel too. When when she’s happy, I’m happy; when she’s upset I’m upset; when she overcomes a challenge I’ll celebrate with her; when she’s fails, I’ll be there to help her try again. The good and the bad, it is no longer about me. And that is the crazy feeling of love that no one can prepare you for. So I won’t sit here and tell you moms, mom-to-bes and friends alike all of the feelings I’ve felt during the first couple of months as a mom. But I will tell you it’s SO worth it.