To the Girl Who Thinks She’s Helping 

Why is the word “overthink” even a thing. The word “think” is so complex by itself, why is there any need to accentuate it? I mean the definition is literally “Thinking about too much, for too long.” And we have all heard that too much of anything can be a bad thing. But yet, it seems I’ve inherited this very word into my day to day like it’s second nature. 

I’d like to believe that every once in a great while we have all caught ourselves trying to avoid confrontation by saying nothing at all. By bottling up our thoughts and keeping them to ourselves because we think in some way we are helping the situation. In all my 26 years I can’t remember a time when keeping everything to myself has worked out completely perfect. And in those 26 years, you can probably bet that I have come across a few theories that I thought was in my best interest and in the end it was not. 

The “You Couldn’t be More Wrong” theory: Tested and failed…most times, but still a work in progress.

 I am notorious for jumping to conclusions. I will be unsure about something and instead of being patient, I start to think up my own scenarios. And usually they are the worst case scenarios possible. But once I’ve set my mind to it, I run with it. I take off with this crazy story and I’ll be damned if I look back. Pushing all logic aside, I’ll just let my mind get away from me. 

There are so many times when I’ll be in the car by myself and I come up with this ridiculous story of why I haven’t heard from my husband all day. 

Oh gosh, remember that one time I didn’t hear from him all morning and I find out he was in a semi accident. Luckily he was okay, but I know he is hauling corn today… holy crap… I bet the semi rolled… why hasn’t anyone called me? Did someone try and my reception was poor. I need to call the hospital. 

Then I finally get a hold of him and he’s sitting at McDonalds eating something that looks like a Double McHeartattack wondering why I’ve called the entire family tree. “Ashlee,” he says, “I was cleaning out a bin and didn’t have my phone with me.” Well that makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? How was I so off? 

The “You’re Not Helping Anything” Theory:

 I have tested this theory most recently. I saw a situation that was clearly out of my hands and knew if I let myself, I would over analyze every little bit of life’s happenings so I tried to stay busy and started to take precautionary measures.

I chose to delve into things that (I thought) would make me feel better. I chose to focus on this unrealistic diet (I can’t even have peanut butter), train for a half marathon and attempted to be super woman at home. Doing everything I could to make sure my husband doesn’t feel like he has to do everything by himself. I planned meals out, bought snacks for his lunch box and kept reminding him I can do anything a paid farm hand can do. Note: I can’t lift over 70 lbs and I need that cup o’ Joe  before the day begins. 

I had carefully rearranged every aspect of my life to revolve around keeping my husband in check. And for awhile it seemed to be a flawless plan. Until it wasn’t…

Until the other day, I realized I was putting all of my energy into things that didn’t fulfill anything (not even my tummy.. stupid diet). I had completely lost site of what made actually me tick and Kirn and I had unknowingly deselected our marriage as a priority. 

It’s funny how our brains are wired. Thinking we can help a situation by completely forgetting about ourselves and focusing on things that really don’t matter in the big picture. Petty things that can’t and won’t fill anyone’s cup. And by shutting out our loved ones to keep them from thinking you can’t handle something. 

So, if you’ve made it this far through my ramble and you’re wondering if there are any theories that have worked for me. There is. One that has been tested time after time. It’s the “Always tell your husband what’s going through those two cerebral hemispheres” Theory. 

I admire the patience Kirn has with me. Bless his heart for making me talk when I don’t want to and then listening to me ramble through a lot of nonsense to get to the point. Because even though we may not realize it, talking can be harder than we think when life deals a more difficult hand than normal. But since life doesn’t let you fold and start over,  I pray you have the same situation in your world that I have in mine. A loving husband, a wonderful family and the best of friends to lend an ear when you need it. 

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